Tuesday, January 30, 2007

& bcoz i still dont have any words!


... & finally, i bought a knife today, & i feel like killing somebody!
[SssHHH! pls dont tell anyone if u see this]

Monday, January 29, 2007

& bcoz i didnt have any words!

... some call it rain, i call it love!

... frozen

... long ago, it was a lovely rose!

.. what i see! - do i see anything at all?

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Deep End of my Mind, Myself

And here I go again.
Just got back to work after a break, a one day sick leave. Got caught by cold and tonsil pain…
I recurs every year with me, whenever the season seems to change. And all the time I try my best avoid allopathic pills, especially antibiotics.

Couldn’t find much to write, (same shit all the time) …nonsense excuses

I am very confused about shifting my job.
Money looks good, but I don’t feel like leaving the current one. The confusion is obvious, i think, but decision making in these kind of issues is really hard. "Money lures yaar" but k garne aru kura haru pani ta chhan ni, haina ra?

And now here comes the question of Madhesi movement in the Terai. Well, what r we up to? Defying to celebrate the Prithvi Jayanti and now we are demanding the liberate Madhes?

I bought a book on a sale, the title sounded nice, later at home that night, I found that the book was on an entirely different category (i dont want to tell it here :)). Next day i had to go for the exchange.

Some random thoughts

Now, when I face a problem in work, I wonder if it's because of my incompetence or that certain things are simply not within my control?

I know questions are asked out of concern. But having answering the same questions for about 10 times, my replies get shorter as I am "tired" & "irritated".

I have a dream
Dream of the sun
Dream of the moon
Dream of the river

Friday, January 26, 2007

हलो म जोत्न पाऊं

ह ह ह ह, हलो म जोत्न पाऊं,
हैन भने ए हजुर यो देश छोड्न पाऊं

ह ह ह ह, हलो म जोत्न पाऊं
हैन भने ए हजुर यो युद्ध रोक्न पाऊं

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Something from the chaos theory

What exactly is chaos? The name "chaos theory" comes from the fact that the systems that the theory describes are apparently disordered, but chaos theory is really about finding the underlying order in apparently random data.

A scientist considers himself lucky if he can get measurements with accuracy to three decimal places. Surely the fourth and fifth, impossible to measure using reasonable methods, can't have a huge effect on the outcome of the experiment. Lorenz proved this idea wrong.

This effect came to be known as the butterfly effect. The amount of difference in the starting points of the two curves is so small that it is comparable to a butterfly flapping its wings.

The flapping of a single butterfly's wing today produces a tiny change in the state of the atmosphere. Over a period of time, what the atmosphere actually does diverges from what it would have done. So, in a month's time, a tornado that would have devastated the Indonesian coast doesn't happen. Or maybe one that wasn't going to happen, does. (Ian Stewart, Does God Play Dice? The Mathematics of Chaos, pg. 141)

This phenomenon, common to chaos theory, is also known as sensitive dependence on initial conditions. Just a small change in the initial conditions can drastically change the long-term behavior of a system. Such a small amount of difference in a measurement might be considered experimental noise, background noise, or an inaccuracy of the equipment. Such things are impossible to avoid in even the most isolated lab. With a starting number of 2, the final result can be entirely different from the same system with a starting value of 2.000001. It is simply impossible to achieve this level of accuracy - just try and measure something to the nearest millionth of an inch!

At the top, water drips steadily into containers hanging on the wheel's rim. Each container drips steadily from a small hole. If the stream of water is slow, the top containers never fill fast enough to overcome friction, but if the stream is faster, the weight starts to turn the wheel. The rotation might become continuous. Or if the stream is so fast that the heavy containers swing all the way around the bottom and up the other side, the wheel might then slow, stop, and reverse its rotation, turning first one way and then the other. (James Gleick, Chaos - Making a New Science, pg. 29)

Chaos has already had a lasting effect on science, yet there is much still left to be discovered. Many scientists believe that twentieth century science will be known for only three theories: relativity, quantum mechanics, and chaos. Aspects of chaos show up everywhere around the world, from the currents of the ocean and the flow of blood through fractal blood vessels to the branches of trees and the effects of turbulence. Chaos has inescapably become part of modern science. As chaos changed from a little-known theory to a full science of its own, it has received widespread publicity. Chaos theory has changed the direction of science: in the eyes of the general public, physics is no longer simply the study of subatomic particles in a billion-dollar particle accelerator, but the study of chaotic systems and how they work.

... ...

Thursday, January 18, 2007

आधे अधुरे ख्वाब

"जागे है देर तक हमे कुछ देर सोने दो,
थोडी सी रात और है सुबह तो होने दो!
आधे अधुरे ख्वाब जो पुरा ना हो सके,
एकबार फिरसे नीदमे वो ख्वाब बोने दो!!"

Every rehman album has to have a great finale, specially with the words of Gulzar, here in Guru, this one is just that!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

sing out loud.

life is a one big party,
somewhere u gotta get started,
so sing out loud and say:
"laa, laa laa laa, laa laa laa, laa laa laa... laa laa laaaa, laa laaa laa, laa laa laa laa laa!!!"

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

to my unspoken friend

Never heard your voice,
Never laughed with you,
But I have felt you,
And talked to you also… like crazy.

Last time,
When I walked you to the sun,
You felt happy,
I was happy that you were happy.

That you are gone,
I have nothing to say,
Nothing that I can share, express or even write

You will find your way,
A good one,
Somewhere like heaven

Saturday, January 06, 2007

हल्का हल्का

अलिकति भएपनि ढुक्क भइयो, कमसेकम परिक्षा छ भनेर टाउको त नदुख्ने भो, तर अचम्म के भने हिजो सम्म बिहान ९ बजे खुल्ने निद्रा आज ४ बजे खुल्यो। क्या यार बच्चा जस्तो! जांच छ भने निद्रा लाग्ने छैन भने नलाग्ने। अझै सुध्रिएको रनैछु जस्तो लाग्यो।
यहि कारणले गर्दा पनि निकै समय यहांबाट (ब्लगिङ्गबाट) भाग्नु पर्यो। तर त्यो भन्दा पनि के हो यस बीचमा निकै डिप्रेसनको जस्तो भान भयो, ब्लगिङ्गमा किन किन इच्छा नै मरेर गयो। कामको पनि तेस्तै पेलान, फेरि पढेको जस्तो पनि गर्नै पर्यो।
हुनत धेरै सोच्यो भने तेस्तै हुन्छ होला, बरु बिन्दास तरिकाले जेपिटि लेख्यो भने कुरै खत्तम।

जेहोस, अब फेरि फर्केको छु, मेरो खासै लेखाइ त हुदैन तर पनि अकविता को अलेखाइलाइ निरन्तरता दिने कोशिस चाहि गर्दै छु, गर्ने विचारमा छु। अलेखाइको कुरा गर्दा यसै प्रसंगमा मिल्दो जुल्दो शंकर लामिछानेको "एब्स्ट्र्याक्ट चिन्तन: प्याज" बाट एउटा अंश साभार गर्न चाहन्छु।

"मलाई सम्झना आइरहेछ, कसरी म प्रेमपत्रहरु पन्ध्र – बीस पेजको लेख्थें। न हात थाक्थ्यो, न मन! र त्यत्ति लेखिसक्दा पनि लाग्दथ्यो अझ भन्ने कुरा व्यक्त भएको छैन!
र आज?
व्यक्त गर्ने कुरा नै पाउंदिन!
लाग्दछ, के मेरो भण्डार रित्तियो? वा मेरो sensitivity मा ठेला पर्यो? होईन, यी कुनै पनि कुरा होइनन्, म यथावत् नै छु भन्ने धारणालाई कुम्लोझै बोकी मेरो अन्तर्मन विद्रोह गर्न खोज्दछ। म कलम हातमा लिन्छु र कामना गर्न थाल्दछु – यसबाट उच्च साहित्य निस्कोस् !
यहीँ, यस चाहनामै, मेरो कमजोरी छिपेको छ।

कताकता मेरो कुरा यो अंशमा ब्यक्त भयो कि जस्तो लाग्यो के, तर तुलना गर्या चाहि पक्कै हैन नि।

कुरा के भने अस्ति जांचको लागि पढ्न भनेर १ दिन बिदा लिएर बसेको, दिनभरि नै घाममा बसेर कहिले शंकर लामिछाने, कहिले Gabriel Garcia Marquez पढेर बसें। जब जब समय नजिकिदै गयो, तेसपछि पो शुरु भो टेन्सन (हुन त अघिल्लो दिन सम्म नपढ्ने मान्छेलाई कति नै टेन्सन भयो होला र?)
म टिकेर पढ्नै सक्दिन, हेर्दा मलाई पढन्दास भन्छन मान्छेले, तर म ठीक ऊल्टो छु।
अझ भनु भने यसैबेलामा ४ महिना देखि नछोएको गितार निकालेर ट्युन गरे, अनि बजाउन थाले।
काम पाइनस बुहारी ... भने जस्तो,

हुन त यसले केहि नया सोच दिइको छ, सबै कुरालाई नयां दृष्टिले हेर्ने मौका दिएको छ, जाचको यहि एउटा फाइदा छ जस्तो लाग्छ मलाइ। सबै कुराबाट मुक्त भयो अनि आफ्नो भित्रि मनको इच्छा पुरा गर्न तिर लाग्यो। अन्य कामकाजी बेला भाको भए साहित्य कहिले पढ्ने, हबि कहिले पुरा गर्ने! [तर जांचै बिगार्ने गरी चाहि हैन नि :D]

बरु आज धेरै दिन पछि RNAC अगाडिको किताब बजार तिर गएं। काम त थियो तेहि मौकामा फर्किदा खेरि ४ वटा किताब उठाएर ल्याए। Three Men in a Boat, A Farewell to Arms, Animal Farm र Wuthering Heights। अघिल्लो दुइटा त पढिसक्या हो, तर लाइब्रेरिबाट ल्याको थिएं, अहिले देख्दा खेरि आफै संग राख्न मन लाग्यो। पछिल्लो चाहि अलि क्लासिक पर्यो, यिनीहरु चाहि मलाइ संगाल्न मन लाग्छ। साथीहरु संग गाको बेला तेता तिर भुल्न पाइन्न, हतार गर्छन्, एक्लै भाको मौकामा रमाइलै भयो।

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

blogdom for boredom

it's been quite a period,
my absense,
there are some reasons though just for justification.
cudnt collect(recollect) anything

nothing that cud matter.
nothing that cud be significant.
nothing that cud be readable.
nothing nothing nothing.